i can't even....

so many bad thoughts spinning around in my head. I am at wit's end with our middle kid (18) and am allowing the frustration and anger to cross over into my interactions with my wife and our youngest (9). I don't know, actually, how much longer I can manage to keep what little sanity I have left. I isolate more now than I have in a long time. I am more apathetic than I have been in a long time. and sadly, once again, I consider self harm as a way to cope. I haven't carried out those thoughts, but they are there, every day, taunting me, tempting me. and with summer over, it will be easier to hide the results... and rationalizing those thoughts? "that's just crazy talk."

Fraud

feeling like a big ol fraud these days. i'm the new Employee Health and Wellness Nurse at our hospital. i'm at my heaviest weight. i eat crap all the time. i'm the most depressed person i know. i'm lazy. i really don't 'care'. i'm supposed to start teaching an 8 week stress reduction class. i don't do ANY of the things suggested in the cirriculum. now that's just crazy talk.