voices in my head

fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.fuckity fuck fuck you ya fuckity fuck fuck.

what the hell do i look like?? wait, don't answer that....

middle dude left the house last night at 10pm to go 'hang at a friend's house', and said that he was going to spend the night and go to school from there. mom said it wasn't a good idea, and that she wasn't keen on it. i said nothing, because nothing i say matters in these situations. he broke back into the house through his bedroom window at midnight because, 'i forgot my phone charger'. yea, right. your phone charger....and he went back to his friend's house. mom had told him that she needs him to be home by 515 this afternoon to help her parents with something when they drop it off (i don't get along with them at all, and need to leave the house when they come over). he put up a stink about it, even though the actual work to be done will take less than 10 minutes. he just sent me a text asking if i can pick him up from his friends house in time for him to be at the house when his grandparents arrive. WHAT THE>>>> WhAT THE HELL DO I LOOK LIKE????? i am so mad. SO MAD. every damn day. i need to vent my frustrations, but..... that's just crazy talk.

Saturday morning thoughts....

this morning has the vibe of being a disastrous day for me, mentally. sad part is, i'm the only one awake, so it is just my 'tapes' playing in my head that are creating this feeling. well, come call them 'tapes', i call it 'experience' and statistics/probability. going to do what i can to stay focused on the positive as well as the things that i can actually control (basically MY ACTIONS are all that i can control), and get through the day. once again, i am back to dreading weekends; now that's just crazy talk.

too sensitive?

today is Father's Day. a certain special someone posted on her FB page today a nice paragraph about 3 wonderful fathers; hers and her two brothers. but didn't mention me, the father of one of her children. not 15 minutes before the post appeard she'd sent me a nice text saying nice things about me as a Dad, and at the time i really appreciated the kindness. then i read her post on FB, and all of the wonderful feelings went away. not sure if i should be upset by all of it, or is that just crazy talk?

the preamble to an online survey that i just completed for my employer states, in part, ".  Responses are confidential and anonymous and cannot be linked to individuals.  "

yet at the end, some of the questions were of this nature:

do you work mostly in direct patient care or non-direct patient care?
what is your age rage?
what is your gender?
how long have you worked at this facility?
what is your degree level?
ummm....
if i were to answer honestly to those questions, you would know EXACTLY who I was.
did I answer those honestly?

THAT is just crazy talk.

Goats Like Hikes

They like climbing trees, too.

 

 Goats in trees.: Image courtesy Robbie's Photo Art's photos via Flickr's Creative Commons.

...crickets...

M: (sitting on edge of bed) i'm really upset because i think Z is still using drugs.
W: (standing, now with arms crossed) why do you say that?
M: have you beeen in his room yet since you got home? did you smell anything?
W: yea, lots of cologne. so?
M: there are more smells in there than that. doesn't it strike you as odd that it smells that strongly of cologne this late in the afternoon?
W: (crickets)
M: he and [his friend] went over to [neighbour]'s house, which i've figured out is code for, "we're going over there to smoke dope since you won't let us do it here." I was outside when they came back. When I came in, they went downstairs to play video games. The entire upstairs stunk of his body spray, so i closed his door. i could still mell the pot through the cloud of Axe.
Granted, he isn't smoking here like we've told him not to, but for crying out loud. This can't keep happening.
W: (arms still crossed) well, what do you want ME to do about it??

M: ...(crickets)...


i fight this battle every day. my heart aches for our youngest son who is seeing one of his older brothers get away with this stuff on a regular basis. it isn't right. i feel that my partner in this is apathetic about the drugs: "it could be worse, you know."

now that's just crazy talk.

I need to use my inside voice more often.

In a recent conversation on the FaceBook, I posted this:

 

#nowthatsjustcrazytalk